6 Main Reasons Why Thanksgiving is The True Test of a New Relationship

1: You will see, once and for all, how compatible your food babies are. If you’re in the armchair trying not to writhe in bloatedness while your S.O. is on a carb-high and making the rounds a third time, it probably won’t work out. Those who cradle their stomachs in unison and understand the agony of regretting that sweet potato casserole while simultaneously dreaming of bourbon pecan pie, stay together. 2: You’ll spend more concentrated time with them than you usually do, which will literally show you if you actually like them as a person. Three full days together is easy when it’s just lithely spooning while watching all of The Crown in one weekend. It’s quite another when you have to talk to them AND their grandma for an hour and a half about Lifetime movie specials. Or spend an entire evening playing charades with their extended family, and all while wearing pants that grow increasingly more restrictive but for politeness sake CANNOT be unbuttoned at the top button. If you can sit through eight minutes of their dad trying to act out “toll ticket collector” and still want to date them for the foreseeable future, congrats! Your boo is the real deal. 3: All your claims of being able to cook are about to be microscopically examined. Yeah yeah, everyone says they can cook “decently well, actually” when they really mean “I can boil pasta and not burn it 9/10 times.” You will have to finely chop shallots and chives, you will have to mash potatoes without taking hour-long arm breaks, and you will have to smoothly carve a turkey without looking like a sloppy baby serial killer. The truth will come out, for at least one of you. If both, you can just buy box stuffing and commit to the beautiful lie, together. 4: You have to decide whose house you're going to and subject one of you to passive aggressive dad texts. Alas, this is a decision where pulling a wishbone would actually come in handy. If you both have a within-driving-distance, Ina Garten-esque Thanksgiving to go to full of people who aren't terrible, picking the one to attend is like picking one dessert to split at a restaurant: it's never fully satisfying, and one of you will feel deeply shafted. 5: You will either meet their entire family, or their closest friends. All at once. But no pressure! It’s hard to say which group’s approval is more important for the longevity of your relationship, but either way, you’ll have to commit to SAT-level name memorization and potentially out-charming your S.O.’s ex, who in your mind mastered both small talk AND fluffy cornbread. And if you’re tackling both Friendsgiving and Thanksgiving, good luck, and may you be blessed without election dinner conversation. 6: You'll be asked questions that you can only hope you're prepared for. Their Aunt Ellen's "How you'd two meet?" must be countered with a cute story about your second date to distract from the real answer: "Tinder while drunk-watching Gilmore Girls." But, rest assured, even if you've prepared your most agreeable answers via mental flash cards of every conceivable Thanksgiving ice breaker, you'll still be asked about your views on kids in the future. (The only answer to that one is piling on more food and avoiding all eye contact.)